it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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