he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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