I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
