i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
