We're facebook friends in real life
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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