Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
