weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
