I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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