Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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