Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
