we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
