I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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