Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
