There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
