Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
