Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you didnt know i had herpes?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
