you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
