I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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