he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
MIDGETS
????
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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