Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
