I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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