You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize