I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
