I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
