No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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