wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
