i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
