I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
