Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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