i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
