i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my nose is crying tears of wow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
