Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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