my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
