Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
