He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
