I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
