My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
thus making me awesome and them whores
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
