he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
