Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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