Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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