i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm always down for nudity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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