..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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