dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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