I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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