Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize