she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
