i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
