JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize