everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize