i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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