yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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