i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
