So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
