Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
