I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
