i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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