If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
