We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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