im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
babies were throwing up all over the place
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
