don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
