Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
