Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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