I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize