Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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