he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
