Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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