We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
