Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
